I’m not one for making posts about extremely personal problems, I just don’t feel comfortable with sharing every waking moment of my life with the internet. It’s weird to think that somebody on the other side of the world could know about the problems I’m having in my home life. But this is something I want to post, and am thinking of making into a bigger project but I’m so scared to hit that publish button.
This is a picture of me last June. I’m the girl on the right looking weak, thin and quite honestly knackered beyond belief even though I have a face full of make up. I was going through a horrendous time last year, and while I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was anorexic, I definitely had a problem with food and my body image.
It might not look that bad to some people but to me I look like skin and bones.
But I pulled through. I went through an absolute awful time which I never thought would end but I did and I’m proud of that! This was a time when I probably weighed about 7 and a half stone. Although I haven’t put on a lot of weight since that time, probably about 10 pounds, I am finally looking and feeling healthy.
I can’t look at this picture without feeling incredibly sad about what my life was this time last year, the way I thought about myself and the way I looked. How I felt like people telling me ‘you look like you’re on drugs’ was a compliment because it meant I was looking thinner.
This is a post to all of those who are struggling through an eating disorder. This is for those who are feeling like nobody cares, for those who are made to feel like it isn’t a real problem, that they are just being vain or doing it for the attention. You aren’t being vain, it is a real problem and there is help for you.
I want you to speak to somebody close to you, get the ball rolling on the route to recovery. You’re more than your weight and although you might not feel it, you are worth more than the voice in your head says you are.
I don’t want anybody reading this to think that I’m posting this for the attention, or that I’m doing it for my own personal benefit(whatever that could be), I’m sharing this because when I was dealing with it, my friends and family were amazing to me, they pulled me through and helped me a hell of a lot, but in terms of the wider opinion, I found that I was scared to tell people how I was feeling because the overall opinion of society is that eating disorders are something you can wake up one morning and give up on, that it’s a choice, a stupid thing people do to look like the celebrities in magazines. I want people to know that it’s beyond that, it’s a mental issue and those who are suffering should be greeted with compassion and care.
Not everybody looks at eating problems this way, but as usual, the negative comments will stick, making people keep their problems to themselves, which only adds to their issues.
From one girl who beat the voice in her head and pulled herself back on her feet to all those who are suffering, you can do it.